A poem I wrote was published in The Seed Magazine. Click on the picture to check out the magazine. You can download the digital copy for free.

Hey everyone! It’s a Monday and it’s the start to your week! Congratulations! Buy an expensive coffee and a fancy scone. Show this week who’s boss.

Going through the schedule for the summer. My availability is looking good at the moment. If you want to book me please e-mail clifford.myers@gmail.com. I don’t know how to link that properly to my e-mail so you will have to copy and paste.

I’m available for road shows, work parties, regular parties, celebrations, MC gigs, birthdays, whatever, I’m available, lets do some comedy.

Take Care

Aziz Ansari is hosting a cover contest for his latest comedy special that he released for $5 online called ‘Dangerously Delicious’. And of course, as a comic myself, I took this as an opportunity to self-promote. Aziz might not know who I am but at least he now knows my face.

Check it out.

First winner of the unoffical business card draw at The Staircase Theatre! Standup shows every Sunday at 9:20PM for $5!

Who am I kidding? I’m not kidding you, you rotten piece of dog meat! I don’t need a website! I’m a schmuck! A schmuck I tell ya! Have you sifted through my Tumblr lately? It’s garbage! Garbage made by a notorious garbage picker like myself. I’m a big piece of crud, a real dodo, DODO’S DON’T NEED A WEBSITE! What am I going to do other than dodo it up? Dodo’s make doo doo (as the old saying goes). I might of made this site but I had no intention of taking care of it! I might as well be a rapper with a baby.

A SCHMUCK!

GARBAGE!

Have you checked out my Twitter?

IT’S DOGSHIT!

When you’re a shmuck piece of dogshit garbage you don’t deserve something as remarkable as an internet website.  

MY GRANDFATHER KNOWS HOW TO WORK ADOBE PHOTOPAINTSHOP AND THAT IMPRESSES ME. WHY? BECAUSE I’M A DOG EATING TURD BURGER! A REAL DICKHEAD!

You want all the latest updates, have you checked out my Facebook Fan Page? I SHIT MYSELF SOMETIMES.

I’m Logging OFFLINE WITH MY COMPUTER now 

Sincerely, 

A Piece of Rotten Garbage 

Old McDonald, the man’s a myth
He never had no farm
The true McDonald was a clown
Who meant all cows great harm
He grabbed the cows, took their milk
And poured it in a carton
He then pounded cows into big macs
More ruthless than a Spartan
He took the sheep, the chickens too
Pounced them into nuggets
He thought shortly “maybe this is wrong”
Then shortly he said “F*ck it”
You see old McDonald had no farm
He had a restaurants by the pack
He’s an old sadistic twisted clown
Who wants to see the world go fat
So next time you are hungry
And you don’t know where to go
Remember old McDonald’s on a killing spree
Singing E-I-E-I-O.

I made this in film school for a semester two project. It’s fun looking back at it. 

UP & COMING DATES

Feb 16th – Poor John’s – Toronto
Feb 18th – Crown and Dragon, and some other place – Toronto
Feb 21st – The Supermarket – Toronto
Feb 22nd – Spirits – Toronto
March 6th – Comedy Bar – Headlining – Toronto

CLICK ON THE PICTURE TO GIVE ME MONEY!

IT’S FOR THE CHILDREN!

(For real though, I wrote a kids book and want to make this happen)